Haha, yeah, I can see that’s not what you want in some cases. 
Okay, maybe this is more your cup of tea?
{{ $response := getJSON "https://micro.blog/posts/" .Site.Author.username }}
{{ $response._microblog.bio }}
I’m using the official JSON API to fetch the author’s bio. Gets the job done, but a built-in variable would be preferable. What do you think, @manton?